BY: FRITZ VON LUDWIGSLUST
CHAPTER NINE
There's one in every classroom. That typical bitchy, mouthy behemoth that terrorizes those unfortunate victims around her, always wanting to take any attention away from her ugly self. That mannish, aggressive type that was filled with phobic self-loathing. The Nabe's Rattice Foulcowski was certainly no exception to the rule. Looking like a cross between an Iguanodon and one of the cone head people from Saturday Night Live, (and featuring the facial profile of Grandpa from "The Munsters"), Rattice was a catfish mouthed, moving mound of adipose tissue and cellulite.
Her career as a bitter, hypocritical bully and fervent gossip would also carry on into her adult life later, cushioned by alcoholic, crooked, wealthy parents who always "bought" their offspring out of trouble.
Rattice was truly an enigma to me in every way. How anyone so homely and bovine (and I'm being kind here as I love cows), could have the audacity and balls to put out like she was one of the gorgeous "mean girls" was mind boggling. She would harass anyone that got in her large path, never realizing that she looked like a land bound, jelly fish. She had a huge masculine forehead and high hairline with the weakest, thinnest, mousy brown hair Ive ever seen on a girl... it almost looked like an old stringy toupee that someone sat on. Yet this was the witch who ridiculed, mocked and intimidated everyone around her puffy, pasty self. Rattice went on to build a huge following of those who detested her... beyond belief (except she would never believe that herself). A blatant hypocrite who trashed everyone around her for their behavior or habits, I saw Rattice committing some of the most wrong and scandalous offences in the Nabe including smoking herb and doing lines of snow with her dead beat, wife beating, professional adulterer brother, in the vicinity of an occupied baby crib on more than several occasions.
The epitome of hypocrisy came when her old lady actually made a "donation" to the church, well really to their Mon$ignor to acquire an annulment to Ratty's decade long marriage that produced several other cone heads. Anyone knows that an annulment can only apply to a marriage that has not been consummated, but you know... $.
It seems that Rattice had been cheating on her spouse and had been seeing an ex from high school, a fat slob with equal daily issues with alcohol and other "substances", carrying on an adulterous affair. Her first victim, oh I mean husband was driven out of town soon after.
Rattice can still be found in the Nabe smoking herb in her backyard, and enjoying other illegal "substances" on the weekends. Also still a rampant gossip and viral hypocrite Rattice proves once and for all that money in the church plate washes everyone clean in the Nabe... and the days appropriate sermon is "Money talks, ....... Walks".
I was sickened, almost to the point of vomiting all of these years later to find her profile on face book, featuring a picture of her ugly shadow (and even uglier aura) posing in front of believe it or not... a church.
CHAPTER NINE
There's one in every classroom. That typical bitchy, mouthy behemoth that terrorizes those unfortunate victims around her, always wanting to take any attention away from her ugly self. That mannish, aggressive type that was filled with phobic self-loathing. The Nabe's Rattice Foulcowski was certainly no exception to the rule. Looking like a cross between an Iguanodon and one of the cone head people from Saturday Night Live, (and featuring the facial profile of Grandpa from "The Munsters"), Rattice was a catfish mouthed, moving mound of adipose tissue and cellulite.
Her career as a bitter, hypocritical bully and fervent gossip would also carry on into her adult life later, cushioned by alcoholic, crooked, wealthy parents who always "bought" their offspring out of trouble.
Rattice was truly an enigma to me in every way. How anyone so homely and bovine (and I'm being kind here as I love cows), could have the audacity and balls to put out like she was one of the gorgeous "mean girls" was mind boggling. She would harass anyone that got in her large path, never realizing that she looked like a land bound, jelly fish. She had a huge masculine forehead and high hairline with the weakest, thinnest, mousy brown hair Ive ever seen on a girl... it almost looked like an old stringy toupee that someone sat on. Yet this was the witch who ridiculed, mocked and intimidated everyone around her puffy, pasty self. Rattice went on to build a huge following of those who detested her... beyond belief (except she would never believe that herself). A blatant hypocrite who trashed everyone around her for their behavior or habits, I saw Rattice committing some of the most wrong and scandalous offences in the Nabe including smoking herb and doing lines of snow with her dead beat, wife beating, professional adulterer brother, in the vicinity of an occupied baby crib on more than several occasions.
The epitome of hypocrisy came when her old lady actually made a "donation" to the church, well really to their Mon$ignor to acquire an annulment to Ratty's decade long marriage that produced several other cone heads. Anyone knows that an annulment can only apply to a marriage that has not been consummated, but you know... $.
It seems that Rattice had been cheating on her spouse and had been seeing an ex from high school, a fat slob with equal daily issues with alcohol and other "substances", carrying on an adulterous affair. Her first victim, oh I mean husband was driven out of town soon after.
Rattice can still be found in the Nabe smoking herb in her backyard, and enjoying other illegal "substances" on the weekends. Also still a rampant gossip and viral hypocrite Rattice proves once and for all that money in the church plate washes everyone clean in the Nabe... and the days appropriate sermon is "Money talks, ....... Walks".
I was sickened, almost to the point of vomiting all of these years later to find her profile on face book, featuring a picture of her ugly shadow (and even uglier aura) posing in front of believe it or not... a church.
I love this latest installment in your new venture. Foul-Cow. Lol
ReplyDeleteYou have some nerve, but it really is excellent writing. You pulled me into each wicked character and story.
ReplyDelete