"KIT AND DARIAN"

BY: FRITZ VON LUDWIGSLUST


CHAPTER ONE


   Kit and Darian were a real deadly duo, real pieces of work so to speak.  Both were closeted raging alcoholics  (with a twenty four-seven cocktail hour week), tobacco fiends and secret wife swappers, that could have put "Plato's Retreat" to shame and out of business in their day.   They had a true mutualistic symbiotic relationship, like a nocturnal 100 proof nectar sucking moth and a night blooming Moon-vine ( with Darian being the obvious partner who was pollinated... and pollinated and pollinated).
  Ill never forget the time I was on my way to school and saw Darian at her mailbox, with a giant glass of tomato juice and a celery sick in it.  I could hear the conversation between her and Mrs Snide (who's husband was a loose cannon, who would get out the rifle and run around the nabe with it cocked and ready to fire after too much brew and booze every Sunday on schedule) as I passed by.
  "Damn Harriet, I really need this after last night",  "I don't even remember how I got home or  how I got into bed and "they say" the best thing for a hang-over is a strong Bloody-Mary", she belched, as she flicked her half smoked chesterfield butt to the ground.

"THEY SAY" ...

 "They say".  That was one of Darians favorite intro's to gossip about someone and Darian was a much loathed gossip, with the nasty habit of starting and spreading vicious rumors about everyone and anyone around her, (in between her alcoholic, prescription drug and tobacco induced wife swapping routine).  It got so bad (when this promiscuous parrot's true nature of babbling filth was revealed),  that the women of the V.F.W. would no longer speak to her when she and Kit would go to play bingo while cruising for new couples to play with (and I don't mean bingo).  No one would touch Darian's (spiked) Betty Crocker jello fruit mold  that she brought to the V.F.W. either.  They tried to freeze her out, but nothing would work on this nasty, battery-acid mouthed, homely mynah bird.