"IT'S A WONDERFUL DAY IN DA NABE-ER-HOOD"...

BY: FRITZ VON LUDWIGSLUST

CHAPTER FOUR

... "It's a wonderful day in the neighborhood, a typical day they're all up to no good" ...

   Mrs Zedrik is waiting for a delivery, standing nervously in the window of her upper-class home.  You see "Zeddy" is waiting for a very special drop off to be stuffed into a double brown bag with the local newspaper rubber banded around it.  It must be placed inside the mailbox out of sight, as shes been "on the wagon", by order of her two-timing, cheating husband.  Her delivery is a half gallon of Sauterne wine that she will spend the rest of her vacuous, privileged afternoon sipping out of an empty can of fresca with a straw, while watching the neighbors fourteen year old son mowing their lawn in nothing but cut off shorts.  Unfortunately for Mrs Zedrik the weed-brain-dead boy is more interested in the village pump Hale Colon, who is now five months with an illegitimate bump by a much married wife beater and alcoholic who lives in a rented shack (with his third wife and new toddler) by the now defunct railroad tracks a few miles, but many worlds away.

Mrs Meistertelefon...  Professional "Party-line"-"operator"...

 Then there is the much avoided and loathed uber-gossiper Mrs. Masterhorn who spends the whole day chain smoking filter less pall malls at her kitchen table, in full view of the "nabe", drinking her fake cup of coffee which is really filled with brandy.  She then makes her venomous calls on her famous wall telephone while her son is twenty miles away at the local park in another town  looking for new temporary "friends" (after being arrested for being too "buddy-buddy" in the local latrenes and truck stops of another town nearby).

   Meanwhile,  back in the money side of the nabe...

    Mrs Von Laus is squealing with delight.  She just "discovered" (while going through her executive husbands secret attache case looking for signs that her hubby has been bad) a chunky, expensive bracelet clustered with diamonds... and just one week from her birthday by coincidence.   Well Dolly's birthday came and she was not delighted to be given a new, matching bathrobe and towel set sans the diamond trinket.  Dolly then took a day trip into her hubby's office to find his sexy Mamie Van Doren look a like secretary flashing the bauble around, while draped across his desk and him like spanish moss on an old, gnarled oak tree.  A confrontation ensued with Dolly taking her cheating dog home by the ear... and right to their local Church where he placed a new one hundred dollar bill in the collection plate and was told by the pastor (who did a lot of free charity work in "boys town") that "Everything was forgiven and the cheating, lying born again and again hypocrite was alright with the Man upstairs again"...  for now.

Yes... Its a wonderful day in the nabe-er-hood.

More Fairy--Tales from "The Nabe" to come

Copright @ 2016 by Fritz Von Ludwigslust.  

All Rights Reserved.