BY: FRITZ VON LUDWIGSLUST
CHAPTER FIVE
Kit and Darian the premiere wife swapping alcoholic duo of the dirty, little Nabe were beside themselves. Something or someone was stealing bags and bags of frozen food from their basement freezer. At first they blamed their two effete, overweight sons Michael and Devin, but realized that it wasn't them after even more large amounts of food was missing when the two rotund sons were both away for several weeks. Ice cream, frozen waffles, hamburger patty's and even cool whip vanished into thin air during the work week when no one was at home. Could it be an animal? A skunk or a raccoon? Well it turned out to be a rat, a seventeen year old, 5'7" rat that walked on two legs... and an out of control, trisexual Kleptomaniac who was recklessly driving both ways on the dirty back road of life, in between robbing half of the unsuspecting inhabitants of the Nabe blind.
Timmy Obsina had a serious problem keeping his hands out of the cookie jar, every ones cookie jar. The family had moved to the rural Nabe from a dumpy, urban pot hole just outside of New York City. Street smart and cunning he started a "cash and carry routine" fleecing all of the vulnerable homes in the area. He didn't care if it was a close "friend" or some poor saps last dollar. He lifted anything not nailed to the floor. He was also a promiscuous, alley cat who tried his "you show me yours and Ill show you mine" other routine whenever the chance or opportunity arose... but that is another sordid story to be told soon.
No one in the Nabe could figure out who the ghost was that was lifting everything from their homes from cash and jewelry to frozen food, liquor and pornography. Timmy had a successful career until he tripped himself up on a stormy, winter day after making several fatal mistakes. He had gone to another neighborhood boy named Danny Quinto to see the valuable coin collection that Danny had boasted to him about. Timmy must have been plotting his heist as the two boys smoked weed and drank Mad-dog with straws out of bottles, in between some heated gossip (but in a very, very masculine way of course) about who they thought was a f-g or a d--e or a w---e. They then took their party into the spare room (but in a very, very masculine way of course, again).
Well it was just two days later that the Quintos took a day trip to see some relatives, only to return late at night to a dark house with an unlocked back door and a missing coin collection. Danny accused Timmy right away who cried faux tears while denying it (with his well rehearsed wounded puppy dog face) and ran sobbing to several of his "dead end kid" pals (who he had also robbed) who had his back, against poor Danny.
The Klepto wasn't thinking very wisely the next day when he hitch hiked (big bag of coins in tow) to a Collection shop in the town nearby. Little did the Klepto know that it was the same shop where the Quintos had always purchased all of their priceless coin collection. Like a true sociopath Timmy still denied any connection to the Nabes Klepto cat burglar with all of the proof right there in front of his two faces... strangely and by coincidence (Im sure) the cat burglar of the Nabe vanished right there and then. He was not punished at all, it was just swept under the filthy rug with all of the other alcoholic, cheating, lying, perscription drug addicted, tri-sexual dust mites and the Nabe returned to its "normal" existance within days.
CHAPTER FIVE
Kit and Darian the premiere wife swapping alcoholic duo of the dirty, little Nabe were beside themselves. Something or someone was stealing bags and bags of frozen food from their basement freezer. At first they blamed their two effete, overweight sons Michael and Devin, but realized that it wasn't them after even more large amounts of food was missing when the two rotund sons were both away for several weeks. Ice cream, frozen waffles, hamburger patty's and even cool whip vanished into thin air during the work week when no one was at home. Could it be an animal? A skunk or a raccoon? Well it turned out to be a rat, a seventeen year old, 5'7" rat that walked on two legs... and an out of control, trisexual Kleptomaniac who was recklessly driving both ways on the dirty back road of life, in between robbing half of the unsuspecting inhabitants of the Nabe blind.
Timmy Obsina had a serious problem keeping his hands out of the cookie jar, every ones cookie jar. The family had moved to the rural Nabe from a dumpy, urban pot hole just outside of New York City. Street smart and cunning he started a "cash and carry routine" fleecing all of the vulnerable homes in the area. He didn't care if it was a close "friend" or some poor saps last dollar. He lifted anything not nailed to the floor. He was also a promiscuous, alley cat who tried his "you show me yours and Ill show you mine" other routine whenever the chance or opportunity arose... but that is another sordid story to be told soon.
No one in the Nabe could figure out who the ghost was that was lifting everything from their homes from cash and jewelry to frozen food, liquor and pornography. Timmy had a successful career until he tripped himself up on a stormy, winter day after making several fatal mistakes. He had gone to another neighborhood boy named Danny Quinto to see the valuable coin collection that Danny had boasted to him about. Timmy must have been plotting his heist as the two boys smoked weed and drank Mad-dog with straws out of bottles, in between some heated gossip (but in a very, very masculine way of course) about who they thought was a f-g or a d--e or a w---e. They then took their party into the spare room (but in a very, very masculine way of course, again).
Well it was just two days later that the Quintos took a day trip to see some relatives, only to return late at night to a dark house with an unlocked back door and a missing coin collection. Danny accused Timmy right away who cried faux tears while denying it (with his well rehearsed wounded puppy dog face) and ran sobbing to several of his "dead end kid" pals (who he had also robbed) who had his back, against poor Danny.
The Klepto wasn't thinking very wisely the next day when he hitch hiked (big bag of coins in tow) to a Collection shop in the town nearby. Little did the Klepto know that it was the same shop where the Quintos had always purchased all of their priceless coin collection. Like a true sociopath Timmy still denied any connection to the Nabes Klepto cat burglar with all of the proof right there in front of his two faces... strangely and by coincidence (Im sure) the cat burglar of the Nabe vanished right there and then. He was not punished at all, it was just swept under the filthy rug with all of the other alcoholic, cheating, lying, perscription drug addicted, tri-sexual dust mites and the Nabe returned to its "normal" existance within days.
Ouch! You really tell it like it is
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